Writing is AWFUL.

I think a little part of me dies inside each time a teacher mentions the words, "essay" and "write". Writing is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses. I'll never understand how people can be given a writing assignment and start writing things down right away. Personally, I think it's better to think about the task at hand and plan it out before I execute the task. Of course, this leads to me completely over-thinking it and becoming extremely stressed out. This happens to the point where I am not pleased with any of my work and throw all of it away. You're probably reading this right now and thinking to yourself, "So what?" It's a lot worse than I make it sound. I go through a very tedious process when it comes to writing and I usually end up with absolutely nothing to show for it in the end. It's been a problem for the past 3 years in my English classes. It's awful. It once was such a hassle for me that I gave up on writing a college application essay to one of my top choice colleges. That's probably one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I'm about to make the same mistake again with Oswego. I've been told that I need to write an autobiographical essay and send it in as soon as possible. I have sat down every night for the past two weeks, hours on end, to write this essay. What do I have to show for it? Two very poorly constructed paragraphs that; one - barely illustrate the type of person I am or what I have done in my life and two - make me seem very uneducated. I've gone to numerous people for help and looked online for examples of such essays, but nothing is what I'm looking for. I need to make my essay stand out from the many other essays, but when I look back on my life, it's the same as everyone else! I honestly don't think that I would be having such a hard time with this if I was given a specific task to write about, but nope! It has to be about me and to be honest, that's not very specific! Anyway, if you're wondering where any of my papers that I've written for school are, you can probably find them in the local landfill. I am my own worst critic when it comes to writing. I will never be an English teacher or a journalist, that's for damn sure.

In case anyone was wondering, I'm alright. On Tuesday, I was experiencing some intense stomach pains on my right side, that were only getting worse as the day went on. After spending about an hour in the nurse's office, it was decided that I should go home and get some rest. Then it was decided that I should be taken to the hospital to make sure that it wasn't appendicitis and if it was, to get treated ASAP. So I spent a total of 8 swell hours in the E.R. all of Tuesday afternoon/night, going through absolute agony to get a CT scan done to make sure it wasn't appendicitis, just to be discharged with an unclear diagnosis. They said it could be early signs of appendicitis, an ovarian cist, amongst other things. I no longer feel nauseated, but the stomach pains are only intensifying as the days go on. It looks as if I'll be making a return to the doctor's office soon. I'm not quite sure how long it takes for appendicitis to develop, but I'm hoping that is not what I have. As far as symptoms go, I'm really not showing any symptoms of appendicitis, other than the aforementioned pain and I have developed a cough. We'll have to see, I suppose.

Completely irrelevant, I've been spending the past couple of days channel surfing/watching DVDs. I went out and bought Disney's Enchanted on DVD. It's a great movie, plus Patrick Dempsey's acting always brings a smile to my face. Anyway, tonight I came across a new television show, titled Miss Guided. It's a little undeveloped in my opinion, but quite hilarious nevertheless. I couldn't help but be reminded of certain teachers in our school whenever it came down to the characters. I thought it was funny how the vice principal looks a tad bit like our president (completely intended) and how they had a little play off of that. There was actually an episode tonight about a student's blog and how it was causing problems within the school. It's a bit different than the things we've been experiencing ourselves lately, considering the student looked like a junior Perez Hilton and his blog was basically the same idea. It may have been a little exaggerated in some parts, but it definitely had a true ring to the plot line. All in all, it was an alright show. I think it needs some time to develop, but I'd watch it again.

ERIN GO BRAGH!

<----If someone could draw me a picture like that, I think I'd love them forever.

I'd just to like to wish everyone a very HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!! Since it is now 12:46 AM I will greet everyone with a "top o'the morning to ya!" Whatever. I am looking forward to ulster fry in a few hours from now, delicious! Not to mention the rest of the day/night! I'm hoping that the fact that it's St. Patrick's Day makes school all the more tolerable. I bet it will.

ERIN GO BRAGH! (=IRELAND FOREVER!)

GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!

What happened to education? What happened to learning?
All anything ever seems to be nowadays is how well each school performed on standardized testing. I realize it is important to have good performance scores, because that means the curriculum is up to par and the students are MEMORIZING FACTS very well.
That's not learning, though. That is certainly not education. What ever happened to using our minds? Challenging ideas? Voicing our opinions? Making a difference in the world? I don't know about anyone else, but I'd like to take the opportunity given to me to receive a well-rounded education. I realize that compared to other schools, our school has it extremely well. We have more resources available to us and more opportunities given to us than a lot of other public schools in this country. As of recently, though, I feel like everyone is walking around like zombies. No one WANTS to go to school anymore. No, that passion went away when we all left elementary school. The teachers are complaining that they have to be at school for so many hours. They complain when they have to take a "precious" 5 minutes of their lunch time to explain something to a student. The students find every single thing to complain about. We're all tired of the same daily routine, yet no one is doing anything about it.
Many people can agree with the fact that school has felt more like a prison than a place of education. The administration is all about censoring what we can and cannot see/do/hear while at school. NEWSFLASH: That is never going to prepare us for the real world. High school is supposed to be a pivotal step towards the next chapter of our lives. Treating us (and our teachers!) like we are all 5 years old is not helping us. What ever happened to an administration that actually cared about their staff members and the student body they are in charge of? I'd like a member of the administration to debate this with me. I'd find it very amusing. Honestly, the only member of our immediate administration that I can even begin to concur with is Mr. B. Other than that, I have never known any administrator to actually care about the student body, except for when I was in elementary school. Mr. Tomic was a very gentle, kind man. He made sure that your concerns and problems were given immediate attention and he made school feel like a place where you wanted to be all the time. It's certainly not anything like that now. Make sure that you don't accidentally say "Hello" too loud to one of your friends on your way into school, or you can look forward to having a swell day in the ISD room. Maybe that was a bit exaggerated, but it won't be long before that actually happens.
This is not me back-lashing against the administration because they told me to take my hat off (I don't even wear hats). In fact, I can honestly say that I have never been in any kind of trouble while at school. This is me showing a great concern for the future of our public school education system. School is supposed to be about TEACHING & LEARNING. It's supposed to be a place where you can feel safe and comfortable around each other. It's supposed to be about giving students what they need to succeed in work and life.
I'm tired of it being a place where people in positions of "power" are making sure that you know it. I'm tired of being censored. We're all young adults, we can act mature. You refuse to see this because we're teenagers. I'm tired of the RIDICULOUS rules, because I realize some rules were actually put into place because of safety issues and I completely agree with those rules. I'm tired of not being able to express myself and my creativity. We're all tired. Tired of everything.
I WANT TO LEARN. TEACH ME.


MOST IMPORTANTLY, TEACH US.
P.S. I realize there are a few staff members that completely agree with me and are actually helping students and not suppressing them. Staff members that understand education and understand students. For those staff members (ahem! few and far between) I am eternally grateful for having been in your presence these past 4 years. I have learned and continue to learn important things from you that I will carry on with me for the rest of my life. I only hope you someday get the recognition and honor you deserve. It's a shame that there are so few of you who have kept your passion for teaching over the years. It's a shame that the "power people" throughout our school district are, well, all about power and not about education. For now, though, I would rest happy just knowing that you are out there, bettering the lives of the future and making a difference in the world. You know who are you are.

20 ways to see the world, 20 ways to start a fight

I am a stubborn arse. I will stand by my beliefs and opinions until you convince me otherwise with a really great argument. Even then, I sometimes refuse to believe in certain things. That's when you need to slap me across the face and tell me to get realistic. This may need to be done a few times to get the point across. I will give you the impression that I am assertive more than once upon greeting. I will defend myself at any time deemed appropriate by me.

For instance, I have been playing the violin for the past 10 years. I have learned that when practicing a song or rehearsing, that when a mistake is made, to stop playing and restart. TO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKE AND FIX IT, HELLO. I was told today by my piano teacher that apparently as a violinist, it is important to keep playing even when a mistake is made. This is not how I was taught for the past 10 years, so it must be wrong. Right? Right?...... NO. Though I definitely went on the defensive today when told this statement. I must have come across as a complete bitch to my teacher. I wouldn't say I am sorry and I wouldn't say that it was appropriate for me to defend what I've been taught for the past 10 years. Sometimes, you need more than one opinion and one perspective.

Look up at the top of this blog. You will notice the quote "20 ways to see the world, 20 ways to start a fight." Obviously, every individual in this world has their own opinions/beliefs (that, ahem! they're all entitled to) that most of them believe is to be the "correct" opinion. Maybe everyone's opinion is indeed, "correct", in it's own little way. Of course, this gives leeway to debates and fights. No, my piano teacher and I did not get into any sort of verbal debate. She said what she needed to say, I started to defend myself then decided to shut my trap. It's not worth it and maybe that's exactly what I need to do, to keep playing even when a mistake is made. (Take that literally and metaphorically!) I just think that in light of recent events, some people really need to take a look at that quote and think about it's meaning. For every opinion/thought that you have had recently, there is someone out there believing in and thinking of the exact opposite thing. So the next time you go on the defensive, just be prepared. You're not the only one with a correct opinion and you're not the only one that's acting like a stubborn arse. If you're feeling extremely brave, try compromising!

Note to readers: Look up the definition of the word, "compromise" in the dictionary. Apparently most people nowadays refuse to believe that such a word exists. Trust me, it's there. I can't promise that it won't go away soon, though.

......"It's a dog eat dog world"

I do this all the time. I get really worked up/angry about something and confront the situation right away instead of taking time to think about it and get over it. Now, that's a tiny lie. Only sometimes does that happen. Most of the time I'm pretty good with just ignoring ridiculous things. Today, however, has been pretty darn eventful in putting me in situations that make me very angry. I'd blog about these situations, but I fear that if I see this written down in a couple of days that I will just get angry all over again. That being said, maybe I will explain today's events during a later date, when I am truly over what has happened. Let's just say that if I hadn't already missed basically the past 5 weeks of school, I would have left today. I threatened to do so MANY times. In my opinion, I can't believe how ignorant the administration and certain staff members (I don't know who this lady is, but I've been told she's new to her job) in our school are. Some of you brilliant communications students might know the situation in which I am referring to, because I told some of you. Like I said, I'll explain during a later date. I AM FURIOUS RIGHT NOW.
Even so, it does feel good to at least get that amount off my chest.


And now for something totally irrelevant:
WHY BGATES' SHOES ARE NOT RACIST:

It may be a little hard to see, but obviously BGates' shoes are not racist. They have pink, brown, yellow, and black on them, with soon to be orange. If that doesn't cover the skin-color spectrum, I'm not sure what does. It's obvious the statement BGates is trying to make is that her shoes are not racist and that they are FRESH.

Respect.

Throughout the past few days, I've overheard a lot of people talking about respect. For instance, while I was riding the bike at physical therapy the other day, an elderly man was a few feet away from me on one of the massage tables. He was talking awfully loud and I'm pretty sure that he was doing this on purpose. From what I overheard of his conversation with my therapist, he apparently just received his doctorate and I guess he's some sort of teacher. Although he is now officially a "Dr.", his students still call him "Mr." He said that they're not old enough to know the difference yet, so it's really not a big deal. THEN!!! (This is what really got me angry and I had to bite my tongue so many times just to not make a rebuttal)... Then he had the audacity to say that teenagers these days don't know the meaning of the word, "Respect". He believes this is so because teenagers do not address their elders with their proper title, such as "Mr." "Mrs." "Dr.", etc.
First I'd like to say that if you're going to characterize someone like that, especially right in front of their face, let's have a proper argument to back your idea up. Next, I am going to say why this man is not 100% correct.
There are plenty of teenagers today that were raised to have extremely good manners and to respect others, myself being one of them. You will never catch me being disrespectful towards anyone. Most adults today expect our youth to act like they used to when they were our age. You have to understand that times have changed since you were a teenager and so has society's standards. While there are a few of us who do have behavioral problems, I'd have to say that most of us know how to act civilized and respectful towards others. So the teenagers that you're referring to, elderly man, are very few and far in between. While you make a good argument with the statement about teenagers not using titles when addressing their elders, that's only half true. I do admit that I will sometimes make salutations to my teachers by addressing them by their last name only, or a nickname. For example, I walk into Communications class and say, "Hey Krieger!" I'll go into orchestra in the morning and say, "Hey Mom!" Or, I'll hide in the chemistry room and make fun of Mr. Fitzgerald, but say something along the lines of , "That's inappropriate, Fitz!" This does not mean that I have no respect for these teachers. In fact, I have a sincere amount of respect for all of them. I really don't believe that you can measure respect by a mere title. At the same time, I believe that certain people like to be reminded that they have a title, just to make them feel important. I don't mean to offend anyone when I say this, but if you are someone that really has to hear your name in a formal setting all the time, then you have some serious self esteem issues. Too many people nowadays are abusing their titles as they become more power-hungry. Not all, but quite a few teachers are a prime example of this.
As for myself, anyone that really knows me, knows that respect is a major thing for me. I will only show respect, to those that truly deserve it. Mainly, I abide by the golden rule. This does not mean that I am disrespectful towards those that are disrespectful towards me. No, it simply means that I am civilized towards those people. We've all probably been in a situation where someone has acted completely ridiculous towards us, making themselves look like a jackass. While this person obviously does not deserve respect, it is important to remember to act civilized around this person. It's not that hard, honestly.
In conclusion, Elderly Man, teenagers are incredibly respectful people. Perhaps we don't talk to our elders in a formal setting all the time. I think that's mainly attributed to the fact that we can feel comfortable around them. All I know, is that I would rather feel comfortable around my elders and be able to talk to them honestly, than have the fear of God stricken through me because they are "in a higher position" than I am. Granted, it is important to talk to elders in a formal setting in certain situations, such as a business meeting. Many teenagers know when to kick this awesome skill in, but it's really not needed all the time. I could better understand your opinion on teenagers if perhaps we graffiti ridiculous things all over the town, robbed some banks, or called you the most obscene names we could think of (readers of this blog can use their own imagination with this one). Quite frankly, I have never seen a teenager do any of these things in my lifetime. Maybe this is because I have chosen my friends wisely over the years, but I really think it's because we are respectful and we do know the meaning of the word, "Respect". If you think of anything else that makes us seem that we are disrespectful please let me know. I will respond with a comeback promptly.

Dear Blog Readers,

I miss Dr. Sweeney. He should of never been able to retire. Our district could use a SMART man like him.


Sincerely,
Courtney

high school.

Let's reminisce about high school a little bit, shall we? It's more personal memories, that are somewhat all over the place. I apologize for the length, I know it's insane.

FRESHMAN YEAR. That year was not a good year for me, at all. A lot of it was personal issues that I'd rather not discuss with the entire world through my blog, so I'll just leave it at that.

SOPHOMORE YEAR. Definitely one of my favorites. I learned a lot this year, not only from my teachers, but from my friends. Although I lost a few close friends that year, it gave me a lot of time to go out and meet new people, because of that I've made so many new friendships. I'll be honest and say that I had a hard time adjusting to this at first, but through it all I realized that this was for the best. Thanks to that, I met one particularly amazing person that year, who changed my life forever. This person shall remain nameless, but he helped me to realize a whole new world that I had never even been aware of at the time. What else? Alex, my best friend, came back from Iraq after a year and 6 months of not seeing him. That's definitely one of the most memorable and happiest moments of my life to date. A little morbid, but there were A LOT of deaths in my family during this school year, it was insane. A few family friends also kicked the bucket that year. I'm pretty sure that I attended a funeral at least once a month during that year. It was sad and yet, bittersweet at the same time. I ALSO LEARNED HOW TO DRIVE!!! Maybe even a few people who are reading this blog can attest to the crazy adventures I went on while learning to drive, but I think that's a story for another time. A little embarrassing, but quite funny nevertheless. I received my license in August after school ended. I got my first dog, Chloe, but unfortunately circumstances prevailed in which she is no longer with us (don't worry, she's still alive!) I also was in my first parades for color guard this year.


JUNIOR YEAR. Basically, I had the two coolest teachers in the school this year, Krieger & Fitz. Mrs. Krieger's English 11 class was definitely my favorite class last school year. She instantly became one of my favorite teachers, because she is one of the few teachers who not only knows what she's doing when it comes to her subject and teaching it, but also how to relate to and understand her students. I'm not doing any "sucking up", either. Whomever made the decision to hire her definitely earns props from me. I could name many teachers (one vile french one in particular) who should have been sacked a long time ago. As for Fitz, I wasn't too hot in the chemistry department, but terrorizing him made my days complete. Of course, I still participate in this tradition to this very day. I make it a point to recite his ridiculous catch phrases right back at him; (such as, but not limited to): "Are you with me?", "I'm worried about you!", "Double the pleasure, double the fun!" and my personal favorite, "That's inappropiate!" I think Fitz would be elated to find out that I actually taught a 4 year old to say, "that's inappropriate" the other day. I think I should bring her into the school so she can say it to him. This little girl has the vocabulary equivalent to that of Einstein, it's insane. The other day she told me to stop antagonizing her. OKAY. WHAT FOUR YEAR OLD DOES THAT!?!?! In other news, I made a lot of personality changes that year. I think it was for the better. I learned to take better control over situations and openly voice my opinion without caring what other people thought. OH! Who can forget Sisse & Elli, our amazing exchange students!?!? I had the opportunity of having Sisse in my U.S. History class and I worked with her during the musical. Elli and I became extremely good friends during the course of the year. We went on shopping trips together and on a whitewater rafting trip, amongst various other things we did. It was amazing to hear their stories about their countries and families. Elli amazed me with her English skills, considering she spoke absolutely no English at all when she first came to America. She was practically fluent by the time she left! It was so hard to say goodbye to the both of them. Sisse is actually coming back this month for a visit, so that will be pretty swell! I had my first experience of playing in a pit orchestra! Granted, it was for the school musical "South Pacific" (would a musical be in quotes?), but I had a lot of fun while doing it and learned a lot from it. I made so many new friendships last year it was ridiculous. The hardest thing for me my junior year was having to adjust to both of my best friends moving away. Alex moved 3 hours away at the beginning of the school year and Chelsea moved to Dallas this past summer, at the end of the school year. Sure, I can still talk to them through email/phone/i.m., etc. (and I am grateful for that), it's just not the same as seeing them everyday. I think that's pretty much it.

SENIOR YEAR. WOW. At first I really hated being a senior. I thought senior year was overrated and I really hated not having my friends around that had just graduated. I guess mainly it was in part due to the fact that I wasn't used to being the "head honcho" around school yet. I was also expecting it to be time to relax and be laid back. All my former senior friends made it seem as if that's what senior year was all about. I think we all know this is a lie. If anything, it seems as if I have a lot more homework to do than previous years in school. Let's not mention the many college applications/essays. I'm not all complaints, though. I do find enough time to just relax and go out with my friends and have some fun. I've started to become a lot more outgoing than I used to be and I like that fact a lot. I also like the fact that more adults in my life are finally starting to realize that I'm an adult too and for the most part, more mature than they are, so they've actually started treating me like one and not a ridiculous naive teenager they perceive us all to be. I honestly no longer care what people think of me at all, unless you're one of those adults that extremely intimidate me (such as the ones I have incredible respect for). I've also continued to make new friendships with people and I love all my friends A LOT. I just can't believe how fast senior year has gone by so far and I keep telling that to all of my college friends. I'm definitely ready for the next step, college! It seems so weird that I'm actually leaving for college this year, especially when I say it out loud. I've come to realize that I have to work a lot harder for what I want and that everything isn't always how you expect it to be.

You only wish.

It's finally March! This month is definitely one of my favorites of the whole entire year. Not only does March mean that it's one month closer to getting warmer outside, but it also means I'm one month closer to graduating high school and only a few days away from celebrating the best day of the year, St. Patrick's Day! I don't mean to be a Negative Nancy or a Debbie Downer, but for reasons unbeknownst to me I absolutely hate holidays. I think that most of them are a complete waste of time. The only exception to that is, of course, St. Patrick's Day!!! All year long I wait for the wonderful March 17th to roll around so I can celebrate my wonderful heritage and shove it into other people's faces. I could probably do it any other day of the year, but St. Patrick's Day is just full of fun stuff to do. I think it's hilarious when EVERYONE & THEIR MOM actually believes they can be Irish for a day. I'm not saying that you guys can't celebrate with us, but come on already. That's like saying I could be Italian for a day, pft. I can't and I'll admit to it honestly. Anyway, the best part about St. Patrick's Day is that I wake up and hello! ULSTER FRY for breakfast. I believe that the food essential to being Irish is one of the main reasons everyone should just stop pretending to be like us. I know plenty of Americans who would take one look at Ulster Fry or corned beef and cabbage and look the other way. Exactly, you can't defend yourselves there! I'd also like to take the time and tell everyone that um, if you're seriously going to go out and party with us then please do not drink green beer. That is the biggest insult in the Irish culture. Don't be surprised if we belt you because of that. That's not an unsual thing to happen, either. Of course, I am the puniest little person in the world so it won't be me doing the belting. The next best part is starting a game of Iománaíocht, or hurling at one of the local parks with some friends and family members. It's different, yes, but a lot of fun. Unfortunately with my injury, I don't think I'll be doing any hurling. That sounds weird when I think about what that means in America. I am definitely not Irish stepping this year. Obviously because I am physically unable to do it with my injury, but I've taken part in Irish stepping traditions ever since I was 11. I didn't mind, but it's tiring year after year. Instead, of course everyone knows that the Irish are heavy partiers. It's in our blood. With that being said, I am definitely going to make it a point to go DT this year :) The joys of being 18 are endless! I just love St. Patrick's Day because it's the one day of the year that I can seriously let loose and go crazy. It will be even better if and when I get the chance to go to Ireland this summer. I have about $575 saved up and a long way to go :(